In my last
blog post, I looked at one of life's interesting dilemmas. Is it better to sacrifice your enjoyment to chase a dream, or should you instead focus on enjoying what you have? For better or worse, I've often chosen the former path, and I thought it would be interesting to get the point-of-view from the other side. I recruited my good friend Rob to give us the perspective from someone who literally drinks in life's goodness (note: that picture isn't Rob).
Read Part 1 here.
WARNING: SPOILER ALERT! Rob mentions the ending of "
Standards of Ethical Conduct" in his post, so if you haven't seen the movie, he will ruin the ending for you.
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by Rob
Roman sets up an interesting question above: Whether it is better to chase one's dreams, or whether it is better in some sense to settle, to be content with what one already has.
Roman puts it out there that he has, at least for the past 10 years or so, embodied the chase one's dreams angle, and that I, for the past, oh, probably 32 years, have embodied more of the be-okay-with-what-you-got and maximize your personal enjoyment angle. (I think it's worth noting that from a sociologist's point-of-view, Roman and I are probably indistinguishable. We grew up together, we both went to good east coast colleges, we both have professional careers, we make similar amounts of
money, we both follow NFC east football teams, etc., etc. But I think this is actually a really, really useful for the point I'm about to make.)
I don't see the difference between me and Roman so much as one of chasing one's dream v. settling, but more of a difference of constantly reaching for what might be v. trying to appreciate what can be, and enjoying that. Roman has always kind of had an itch. He's always wanted to do something big and different and, in a way, very substantial. I've never had such lofty dreams. I'm one of the most capable people I know but, at the same time, I'm also the person I know with the least amount of ambition. My bosses usually love me and, at the same time, are probably fundamentally disappointed that I don't aspire to more. It's a conundrum. But I don't primarily think of that as the difference between big dreams and settling, I think of that as being very clear eyed about what you are capable of and enjoying, to the maximum extent possible, that version of your life, and not spending time lamenting that your life isn't different, or it isn't more.
Imagine two professional golfers. One is the best in the world. He has played golf since he was 18 months old, he has won at every level, he was famous as a teenager, and from the time he became a professional golfer he was a success. He is famous all over the world. When he retires, he will probably be regarded as the greatest golfer that ever lived. He is also rich beyond anyone's realistic understanding. He is the face of various corporations and he is, at all times, the most important, famous person in any room he is in.
Now imagine a second golfer. He played golf religiously until he was 14 years old, at which time he got burnt out and quit the game entirely. Not being very gifted at school, he bummed around, ultimately ending up out West. He spent his early 20's living in a van, working odd jobs, snowboarding as much as he could in the winter and kayaking as much as he could in the summer. Then, in his late 20's, he decided to take up golf again. He ultimately made it all the way to the PGA Tour, but, even during his best years, it would be a stretch to call him one of the top 100 golfers on that tour.
Will MacKenzie
Now, the first golfer is Tiger Woods. The second golfer, however, is a guy named Will MacKenzie. There are a lot of ways to look at the lives of Tiger and Will MacKenzie, but I think the most relevant distinction is this: Tiger will certainly have a more consequential life (perhaps immeasurably so), but I think Will MacKenzie will have a better one. I really know only a couple of "personal" facts about either guy, and the couple of facts I know about Will MacKenzie are that he still likes to snowboard and that he met his wife by asking her to a Trick Pony show. The couple of "personal" facts that I know about Tiger Woods are that his is a really, really bad tipper and that he had double-digit extra marital affairs once his dad passed away and stopped calling the shots for him. I suspect in some fundamental way, even before Tiger got publicly outed, Will MacKenzie was much, much happier than Tiger Woods. But is the consequential thing enough to overcome that?
Regarding
"Standards of Ethical Conduct", I think the difference might play out this way: I'm not so sure the difference between me and Roman is the difference between Heff and Binger. Rather, I think the difference between us is the difference between the guy who made Standards of Ethical conduct and where Heff ultimately ends up. Remember, at the end of Standards, Heff does not end up king of a bebovka corporation, nor does that seem particularly important. He ends up working with his mom, making some food and enjoying, as much as possible, the tactile sensation of working outside, interacting with people, etc. There is a way to think of that life -- pushing a food cart -- as pathetic or annoying but, for Heff, what changed was a point of view such that he was now excited about what he was doing. In terms of life lessons, I think what might be worth considering is whether you, yourself, as a person, finds the most comfort and happiness (a) being Binger and hanging out as much as possible, (b) being early Heff, with the material comforts of a "normal" job and a somewhat pre-scripted life, (c) being later Heff who, although he is not doing something glamorous, nevertheless tries, as much as possible, to find the enjoyment in that, or (d) being the guy who made an independent movie exploring these issues and who, also like later Heff maybe, holds out hope for much bigger things.
For me, for my part, I'm not so sure it's a difference in following your dreams that matters; I think what matters most is how you think about the quality of what you have, regardless of the relative importance of what you might end up accomplishing.
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